Grieving after Miscarriage

Published on by Mackenzie

Hi, everyone. It’s with an extremely heavy, devastated and broken heart I share I miscarried our second baby girl this past week at seven, almost eight weeks, pregnant. We are hurting so much. I knew if this ever happened, it would be very difficult, but I could never have anticipated the grief we are walking through. We have been met with so much support and love. I am so grateful for our family and friends. And for DJ, especially DJ. He has been my rock despite his own deep sorrow.

Everything feels so difficult. Everything feels meaningless and small. It feels wrong that flowers are blossoming in our front yard, I’m not sure why, it just does. I hate that I can crank the shower as hot as I want or have no limit on coffee. I hate that I can lift heavy objects without thinking twice. I hate that I had to battle my way back to fertility just to lose it all, lose her, in a moment. How was I pregnant this time last week and I’m not now?

Quinn has been our source of joy through this. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. She is keeping us going, keeping us laughing and being playful even when it feels impossible. I appreciate what a miracle she is more than ever. We are so blessed with her. I just hate that she lost a sibling that we have been dreaming about for her (and us) for so long. DJ said on the way home from the hospital that she has a personality to be the take charge, older, nurturing sister even if she’s a few years apart. I so agree, and I can see her relishing the role of being able to really help and take care of a younger sibling whenever and if God blesses us with another.

While I am angry and working through many emotions, I’m holding onto the hope that God will make something beautiful out of this heartbreaking situation. My biggest lesson this year has been trusting him, and that I’m choosing to do even though I don’t understand at all. I have to hold onto hope, because I don’t know what else to hold onto.

Right now, I’m just asking for your prayers. It feels like things won’t ever get better, but from people who have gone through this, they promise it will.

We love you and miss you so much, little one 🤍.

31 thoughts on “Grieving after Miscarriage”

  1. Mack, I am lost for words. Nothing I say can take away the pain, though I truly would if I could. As easy as it is for me to say this, I know in every cell of my being that something beautiful will come from this, though I wish no hurt had to be endured. I know your little girl was and will always be loved. I have thought of you all so much. While this weekend felt fun and playful, I thought of how it would be so hard to get into that spirit and as you said, everything feels so pointless. When I’ve experienced grief, it couples with anger as I see others going on about their lives while I’m suffering. My biggest advice is to not fight all the emotions. You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, confused, whatever is in your heart. You have worked hard to care for yourself so as to bring life into this world again, and I know you will hold your miracle baby. I wish this weren’t part of the path and story, but Ansley and I are always here for you and sending love your way. Quinn will be an incredible big sister. She has the best personality and will be a fierce protector. I love you, girl.

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    1. You’re such an incredible friend, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you ❤️. This is the best advice & your words are so full of genuine hope and encouragement. Thank you for always being there. Love you ❤️

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  2. I always pray for you and DJ and Quin- in happy times and now in a very, very sad time.
    Psalms 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

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  3. There are no words that can take away your pain, but just know that you are loved and supported even by a stranger on the internet. 💟

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  6. Having never had children, or even siblings, it would seem I could not identify with your deep sorrow, but I know how much you and DJ wanted another child, so I grieve for your loss along with you. It was not the right time now, but I hope it will be the right time later on. Again, I’m sorry for your loss Mackenzie.

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  9. Oh Mackenzie, I am SO sorry! I miscarried after my son was born (before my daughter), and it was some of the deepest pain I had experienced to date. It’s a loss that no one can prepare you for… And you’re suddenly living in this completely different world, and you can’t understand how life is moving forward in a normal way for absolutely everyone else. Because your life has come to a crashing halt. I am sending so many prayers and hugs and all the love. Let yourself feel the pain, hurt, and anger right now. But also praying that God just surround you with His peace, love, and hope. Hugs!!!

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    1. Nicole, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss too. I hate that you guys went through this, but it does give me so much hope knowing you went on to have another baby ❤️. Gosh, yes you get it so much. Your words are spot on. Thank you for the prayers, love and hugs, I appreciate it and you so much.

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  10. Mackenzie, I am so very sorry! I teared up while reading this and I truly cannot even begin to imagine. Sending you so much love and prayers, especially for peace, comfort and strength during this horrible time.

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  13. Oh, Mackenzie my heart aches for you. I know do know your pain. I too miscarried my second pregnancy during the first trimester and while I had support from my husband, and other family members. I felt alone in my grieving. I was really the only one who ‘knew’ the baby. I’m not sure why God lets this happen other than to allow us to have more compassion for others who experience it. The good news is that after my miscarriage I went on to have two perfectly normal pregnancies (except they were both two weeks late and I had to have labor induced). They are now 30 and 27 years old (ouch 😃). I have often thought if not for the miscarriage I would not have had Kara, as I got pregnant with her soon after, so God does know what he is doing.
    I’m sending you a big hug and lots of prayers and will end with a funny story. My Aunt, who was a prayer warrior, began praying for me after my miscarriage. When she learned I was pregnant again she told some of my family members that she and God got me pregnant. 🤣 She did eventually concede that my husband had something to do with it too.

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    1. Oh Ruth. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I’m so sorry you experienced this too, it’s more painful than I could have ever imagined. Your story gives me SO much hope. Thank you! That is too funny about your sister too haha! I love it ❤️

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